Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Mad-Libs for Talking Heads: How to Write for TV Pundits

Those (demeaning adjective) (pronoun) really piss me off.

Obviously not you - because you and I are in this together - but those (demeaning adjective) (nationality/political position). Because of their actions you and I are no longer (safe/secure/free/independent/prosperous).

You know those (demeaning adjective) (demeaning adjective) (nationality/political position) are (stealing/undermining/betraying) your (jobs/money/future/freedom).

You and I both know (demeaning adjective) (nationality/political position) are the ones that are ruining this country. You know who I'm talking about! But of course most Americans are (afraid to deal with/angry about/disgusted with) this issue because they think (the man/liberals/conservatives/fundamentalists/terrorists) will punish them.

But I'm not afraid to speak for up for you. Of course, the (conservatives/liberals) will try to shut me up. But as long as I can speak I'm willing to give your issues the attention it deserves. I speak because I (care/fear/reject) this (negative adjective) issue. More than anyone else - except you.

(demeaning adjective) (nationality/political position) are constantly threatening to (expand/infringe) on (your/their) (political/social/religious) agenda. The result is they (expand/infringe) on your (God/Constitutional/financial/political/birth) given (rights/privacy/grace/money/dreams/religion/opinions).

The truth is, whether you know it or not, you're (rights/beliefs/politics/desires) are being (violated/ignored/threatened/rejected/disrespected). Those (demeaning adjective) (nationality/political position) are getting away with (lying/cheating/stealing/sinning/invading/undermining) against the American way of life.

You'd see more about it in the news but the news is controlled by (conservatives/liberals). They are constantly taking the side of those people. They have no idea! They are ruining this country I tell you! Ruining it! Which is why I'm here talking to you. You and I have to stop them.

Of course as you and I both know - They are everywhere. They talk about rights but ignore their responsibilities to (our/their) (country/church/family/community/planet/friends/God/god/Goddess/__________). As long as they don't have to make a sacrifice those people are willing to tell their neighbors how (to/not to) live.

You and I have got to do something about it! We've got to stand up to those (demeaning adjective) (nationality/political position) and say, "Enough is enough!"

I say to hell with them. Seriously, to hell with those people!

You and I both know how they should live because this (Bible/Guru/Constitution/Koran/Philosophy/Ideal/Theory/or choose your favorite dogma) tells them how they should live. If those people would only listen to us they would be better (people/Americans/citizens/patriots/parents/wives/husbands/teachers/leaders/judges/______). They have a right to be happy, joyous and free as long as they don't do anything that you and I know is (sinful/immoral/unethical/treasonous/______).

If you listen to me and avoid any other perspectives than we can solve this problem that has been plaguing our great (nation/church/economy) since President (Obama/W/Clinton/Bush, Sr./Reagan/Carter/or choose your Presidency).

The solution is simple: (more/less) (laws/military/education/police/soldiers/money/teachers/personal responsibility/guns/drugs/immigrants/integration/desegregation/abstinence programs).

If they won't do what we think they should do then they are not real (Americans/humans/patriots/_________) like us. (Traitors/communists/hypocrites/fascists/socialists/terrorists/liberals/conservatives) they are. Ruining this country I love. Ruining this country you love!




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Are you a Patriot? Are you angry?

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep an man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation" - Herbert Spencer

I'm Patriot and I am angry.

Let’s clarify so there is no confusion – or as little confusion as can be had when trying to communicate difficult and abstract topics. Of course, since the liberal arts are dead resulting in a society of illiterates I imagine I’m just pissing into the wind. But I’ll try anyway…

First of all, aren’t you angry about the lies from the left? Me too.

What about the lies from the right? Yes – I’m angry about those too.

However, that is democratic politics and I can accept it - politics is human nature at its best...and at its worst. I say democratic politics because in all other political system there is only one set of lies. This is capitalism at its best – except with political capitalism instead of fifty types of toothpastes to choose from we have fifty types of lies and half-truths to select from. It is also capitalism at its worst – the lies and half-truths are packaged so effectively and efficiently it’s difficult to distinguish between the medicine for what ails us and the salves of the snake oil salesman.

I don't blame you - sometimes it’s simpler to swallow whatever everyone else is having. Sometimes I still do.

What I'm truly angry about are not the lies – as I said that is politics - but rather the dimwits, the morons, the ditto heads, the hockey moms, the religious fundamentalists, the hypocrites, and the wingnuts (you know - the nuts on the outermost wings of the party) who swallow the lies, grind them up and regurgitate them for us and then act indignant and self-righteous if the rest of us we aren't grateful for the opportunity to swallow their vomit.

They are, as Voltaire said simply, “parrots prompted by other parrots”. They don’t even know why they believe what they believe.

For example, a typical political half-truth is the Obama Administration is running the largest national debt in the history of this country. Do the parrots bother to research how the budget numbers are determined? Do they seek the facts about what the deficit was last year or even for the last 10 years?

No.

They simply squawk the half truths squawked by other parrots predisposed to believe the lies. It sells papers and increases ratings.

Oh yeah, plus it keeps them comfortably wrapped in smug ignorance.

They are ignorant of the history of their own Bible. They are ignorant of their God’s history. They are ignorant of their religion’s history. They are ignorant of their country’s history. They are even ignorant of their own history.

Confusing issues of faith with issues of science they perpetuate a generation of scientifically ignorant children and future leaders. They confuse their ignorance with certainty and call it faith.

Adding insult to injury they are blissful in their ignorance. Hell they embrace their ignorance and wear it like trucknuts. I'd be dishonest if I didn't admit I'm sometimes envious - of their ignorance - not the trucknuts.

What makes them dangerous is they choose to be ignorant of who they are and their own motivations. They consider self-reflection a weakness and a failure. They consider humility and service to others the purview of communists and socialists.

They willfully ignore the truth of their own religion: all the great spiritual men and women so many of them claim to follow considered self-refection, humility and service a virtue. They mock intellectual pursuits as elitist although the rights we hold so dear were codified by elitists such as Jefferson, Madison, Adams, Hancock and Franklin. These ignorant people lack the capacity to see their own hypocrisy.

This makes them dangerous - and me angry - because instead of focusing on their own shortcomings they keep sticking their noses into everyone else’s shortcomings. It is precisely this mindset that provided the justifications for the Holocaust, the Inquisition and the Prohibition movement. Pick your poison. They consider being saved as an event as opposed to a process…and they will do whatever is necessary to save you – even if they have to kill you.

Think I’m kidding? Ask Galilleo and Jesus and Malcolm X and Socrates what happens when you cross religion.

I once had a very devout and educated Christian justify the slaughter of Native Americans as necessary to stop the practice of human sacrifice. The irony! Ask the 12 million Native Americans slaughtered to make room for our Christian nation if it was necessary.

What is the difference between sacrificing a human being on the alter (or on a cross) and sacrificing a human life on the battlefield? Isn't the goal the same? To save us? To protect us? I'm not suggesting it is wrong or right. It would be disingenuous if I didn't acknowledge it was better for them to die than for us to die. It is better for me anyway. I'm simply suggesting I would prefer some honesty about it.

People justify the differences all the time. It usually boils down to a black and white worldview: "You are either with us or against us." You are either saved or your not. You are a winner or a loser. As it says on the bumper sticker - "Second place is for the first loser."

You may have heard – there are people actively trying to bring about destruction of civilization. In the Middle East we call these people “terrorists”. In the United States this event is eagerly anticipated by Christian fundamentalists and is referred to as Armageddon. They both want the same thing – heaven on Earth. And both sides are willing to make global war to bring about their heaven. Ironically it is the same God.

Of course, heaven on Earth means the same thing to both groups - they are in charge and the rest of us are subjugated to their definition of heaven and righteousness and justice.

It isn’t enough to humbly serve when you can be in charge.

Now lest you think I’m being too hard on the chosen, god-fearing righteous ones in the red states keep in mind I hold the chosen, god-mocking, righteous ones in the blue states in equal contempt. They suffer from the same arrogance, self-righteousness, contempt for those opposed to them. Many of them are equally ignorant: just on different set of topics. They think science and reason can bring about the moral improvement of man. They want us to worship at the altar of scientific progress – sponsored by the A-Bomb, biological warfare and genetically engineered crops.

We are no wiser than Socrates or Plato or Aristotle. We just know more. Knowledge and wisdom is not the same thing. We simply know how to kill larger numbers of people.

This is not a left or right "thing" - it is a human nature "thing". There is no “moral” progress for a society. The most we can hope for is individuals to choose spiritual growth through reflection, humility and service.

I wish there was some simple answer. I'd like to be able to argue they are right. I long to gulp down the snake oil being sold as Truth so I too can climb aboard the magic bus and ride the rainbows to a better world. But for better or for worse this is the only world we have.

Of course, depending on whose math you are using, mankind has been struggling to find the truth for six thousand...or six billion years. In that time we have always fought - over territory, food, religion, women, sex and wounded pride. In that time fundamentalist religions have not made us more moral or grown in God's image.

Science has not made us more peaceful or god-like. Truthfully, religion has been using science to advance its agenda. We use smart bombs; terrorists use Improvised Explosive Devices. We all use what we have.

Now of course some of this seems like a downer. Maybe it is to you. It makes me free. It makes me free to be who I am without the constraints of dogma and without dishonor.

I'm not angry at those who disagree with me. I could be wrong. I don't claim to have all of the answers. I certainly don't have the answers for you. However, I'm willing to calmly, and with an open mind, listen to your perspective. Where it's appropriate I'll even change my opinion and admit where you are right. "Change your opinions, keep to your principles;" wrote he French poet Victor Hugo, "change your leaves, keep intact your roots."

That is provided you are willing to answer my questions. I'm not obligated to believe simply because you say so.

One more thing - if you cannot make your point without yelling or name calling then you don't really have a point. Most of us learned that lesson in kindergarten. You apparently missed that day.

I'm angry with those who demand loyalty and obedience but when it is there turn to turn carry the load refuse to provide either. I'm angry with those who think ratings are more important than substance. Especially when so many of us depend on them to deliver substance. They are the hypocrites. They are the liars and cheats and thieves. They are the snake oil salesmen selling bottles of lies and half-truths.

"That the world can be improved and yet must be celebrated as it is are contradictions," wrote William Scott, "The beginning of maturity may be the recognition that both are true." As I've matured, I've begun to recognize the truth - we are, and always have been – a people of dimwits, morons, ditto heads, hockey moms, religious fundamentalists, hypocrites, and wingnuts.

Today they just get better press coverage - and that makes me angry.




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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bull moose!

There are a lot of things a Patriot has to be angry about today. Most of them in a cosmic sense are small and insignificant. However, there are always a few things that matter. That cannot be overlooked. That need to be embraced or engaged or fought. Injustice, intolerance, and inequity to name a few.

Few people in American history had so much to do in such little time as Theodore Roosevelt. Who I consider one of the finest men and leaders in American history. The Angry Patriot is not about criticism - although there may be some of that - it's about responsibility. It's about acting accordingly. It's about taking a risk to do something great.

As such, I think I'll embrace T-Rex as my mentor. He's dead so I don't think he'll mind.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face in marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Teddy Roosevelt The Man in the Arena: Citizenship in a Republic
Address delivered at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910.



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